Two Year Old Tantrums at 40??

I was waxing philosophical this morning and wondering if I’ll ever grow up. Sigh. A dear friend and I were discussing this the other day for some reason. She is 45 and she says she thinks she might be close to being a grown-up. I read a book about the same topic this weekend, and I have been trying all morning to understand why I liked the dumb book. It was all about growing up and never quite having your dreams realized.

When I was a child, I thought that when I turned 21 I’d be grown-up and my, how old and wizened I’d be by 30! I was a bit disappointed when I reached 21 and found myself still as dumb as a stick. Actually, I was MORE intellectually challenged than a stick because I realized that my parents really did know more than I did and that I wasn’t nearly as smart as I thought. Sigh, again. (And I said ‘intellectually challenged’ up there because I didn’t know if it should be ‘dumber’ or ‘more dumb’ and neither sounded correct. Just FYI!)

So, when that much-to-be-dreaded 30th year rolled over, I thought, “Well, Lord, is this it? When will I be a grown-up?” And I as I stare my 41st year in the face, having almost concluded my 40th, again I ask, “Is this it? Will I ever feel equipped to live?”

It seems some of us mature in one area while other individuals mature in another based on life’s circumstances, on time goes as we continue maturing at different rates and in different areas. I really wonder if we ever come to a consistent, long-lasting “grown-up” feeling. We have seasons when we think things are going fairly well. We are eating the fruit of some good, wise decisions. But, alas! No fruit stays in season all year does it? (HA! Except at Wal-Mart!) This too shall pass and we again ask ourselves, “Do I really have sense enough to get out of bed this morning?” When we do find ourselves brave enough to get up, we might turn around in 30 minutes and say, “No. I don’t want to.” It makes me laugh/cry to think of the “grown-ups” I know who act like spoiled little two year old children, myself very much included.

I’m thinking of when I’m asked by the Lord, family or friends to do something I don’t particularly want to do. At times I am actually deluded enough to think that somebody cares about the fact that, “I don’t want to!” Then reality slaps me in the face and I have to decide if this is something I NEED to do. Usually, the answer is “yes” so I go and throw myself on my bed and have a screaming fit. Nah! Not all the time. Hehe.

Well, I don’t know why I’m rambling on about growing up, and telling all my secrets, except maybe it’s because I’m nearly forty and thought I’d have it done by now. Instead I have come to terms with the fact that I never will “grow up” because I will always need to depend on my wonderful Father, who gave everything to me and who wants me to depend on Him and if I grew up, I wouldn’t. So, there you have it, my conclusion. (Of course, I really don’t think He wants me acting like a spoiled two year old either, so I’ll have to try and stop doing that.)

God Bless! And, Please, don’t judge me too harshly.