All of Me

As my friend Darlene was working on the decor for the little girls' room I realized that I had not done it yet because it symbolized some level of permanence in my mind. I have been scared of them leaving and scared of them staying. I realized, too, that it was time for me to make up my mind about what we would do if their mom doesn't get them back.

It was past time for me to give them all my heart no matter what it might cost me in the future. You see, although I love them, I had not allowed myself to love them with a reckless love. The fact remains that they are not ours. The other fact is that as their fostering parents they NEED for us to love them that way no matter how much it costs us...ME. After all, if we don't give them what they need, who will? Who will?

Today I was listening to "All of Me" by Matt Hammitt and I realized that he was speaking my fears and the change of heart I've had since Christmas. I'd like to share those lyrics with you here:

Afraid to love
Something that could break
Could I move on
If you were torn away?
And I'm so close to what I can't control
I can't give you half my heart
And pray He makes you whole


You're gonna have all of me
You're gonna have all of me
'Cause you're worth every falling tear
You're worth facing any fear
You're gonna know all my love
Even if it's not enough
Enough to mend our broken hearts
But giving you all of me is where I'll start

I won't let sadness steal you from my arms
I won't let pain keep you from my heart
I'll trade the fear of all that I could lose
For every moment I share with you

Heaven brought you to this moment, it's too wonderful to speak
You're worth all of me, you're worth all of me
So let me recklessly love you, even if I bleed
You're worth all of me, you're worth all of me



So, "it's where I'll start". Please pray for me/us, but especially THEM.